Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
