you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
