so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
