Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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