I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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