i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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