the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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