Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he shaved USA in his pubs
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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