i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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