There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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