Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
