I wish I could punch you in the face.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
