I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
