new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
