I will die if light touches me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
