apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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