If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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