i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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