I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
