I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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