I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am mentally ready for anal.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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