Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
