So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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