I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
