She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
