I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
