You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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