if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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