I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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