How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
