Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
