You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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