I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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