The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
