I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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