If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
