wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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