I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
