I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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