Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
