It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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