she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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