Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
