I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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