I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
