he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
