You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
