I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize