In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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