meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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