Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
