clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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