So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
