The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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