Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
