also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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