He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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