the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
