We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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