i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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