that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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